Expression

What do think when you hear the word expression? Do you it means an act of words to show other of how you feel? Or do you think its a sentence that everyone seem to use. Like when you are ask a question about your self and they order you to "express" yourself. How do you begin to do that? If by all means that you don't even know how to do that. For instance, I am a person that is shy and never liked expressing myself in a manner that is respected and people assume that I don't have a life, like nothing exciting or disliking can possibly happen to a girl who's life is so private. Just because I am not a social person at heart doesn't mean that I don't like sharing it is difficult to discuss anything to anyone. One, my parents the only way I communicate is through my native language at birth and they communicate with each other excluding the fact that they don't understand a word I say sometimes because it's mixed slang with English, at which they don't speak of at all. They try but fail to use the proper word for the right kind of sentence. Then it just get disappointing and frustrating. Perhaps when you say a quote from a book you tell other that it's an expression that people say around town. I don't know. If you ask me I would probably say I don't have an expression because why bother if I can't even find out what it means.

When people blog what do they blog about? Basically about anything that has a topic so visitors can comment on right? However the way that I see it is a way for people to unless their sadness and emotions to share it with the world. Okay sure there can also be forms of happiness as well but if you have lived the life that I have chosen then you would probably be written the every bits and pieces of my life that is outermost sad.

Wedding

My brother Sony recently got married on the 10th to Lynette Adams. I seen the magic in their eyes that sparked me in a way that looked very familar. The feeling that I possibly had years ago but have lost. The way that he looked at her in that white dress walking down the aisle in the church that he attends to in Richmond Hill Baptist Church. It never seem to amuse me that he would look at her that way, he loved her very deeply. I read poems written by him years back and I thought it was about Cassy his ex girlfriend but I was wrong and I have met both girls of his life and I surly can say that he made the correct move this time. Lynette is a women that he devoted her heart to the lord that she learned to love very deeply. She's compassionate and cares about others surrounding her and she even showed concerned towards me when I lost my first unborn child.

I still like to think that if I haven't lost the baby that maybe she or he would be about year by now and I still think about the life of the little one that has been taken away from me. I was angry and had many unanswered questions and I tried very hard to move on and sometimes I blame myself for losing my baby like that. I hope that I wouldn't have to experience that kind of lost and pain every again.

I am very proud of both Sony and his wife and I also try to picture the kids that they will soon to have and he or she will be loved by all because Lynette is blessed with many sisters and also have both grandmothers still alive for both sides of her parents family.

Her family thinks very highly of Sony and I am glad that he finally found a family that he can call his own.

Who am I?

I thought I knew who I was when I looked into the mirror every time but since time I didn't like the person that I was seeing. Am I a sinner? Am I a GOD believer? I was lost and confused in my own conviction that I didn't know who I was or wanted to be anymore. I have read my brother's post on facebook and it clouded me and I don't know why. I was reading how HE had play a role in his life and how he was so determine to delicate his time only to HIM he even has given up the hobbies and interest he loved best. He said it doesn't excite him anymore. I started to think If I was to dedicate my time into praying and having GOD in my thoughts, my heart and soul would I have to give up like he has. All and left with nothing to enjoy and that's what I misunderstood. He doesn't enjoy the things he loved to do no more because he had found something better in HIM and just having the LORD by his side through out his life is enough excitement for him to last a life time.

I asked myself a question how come I couldn't be like him. Why couldn't I fully accept GOD in my heart? Was it because the death of a beloved friend ( a God-sister) perhaps another term applying God before sister isn't right because she (Nalin) believed in Buddhist and wasn't a Christian. She was a sister-friend and taught me a lot within a month and wrote one letter to another but I felt connected to her in many ways like I known her before. She was a nice person and very kind, knew many language and never has done anything bad in her life time.

I was writing a message to my brother on facebook but I didn't have the nerve to click the button that writen send maybe the fear of letting my bf know that I have discussed our relationship views with him so i didn't end up sending it but instead I copied and paste it to somewhere else for future reference.

I want to know GOD more and want more time with him but the distractions in my life is not allowing that.. I have created too much sin and the demon has taken over me but I hope for another life time that I would be a different person . A Christian lover who's saved by grace.

Inspiration

Inspiration where does it come?

One may ask but really you can find it anywhere. through people you meet, through movies you've seen or even books you've read.

What inspired me to keep on writing was actually my dreams, hopes and what ever the future may bring. Although when it comes to writing a piece of novel it really based on my life or how could relate to it in any way. My life is complicated so stories are right are based on that and characters are drawn from an idealistic fantasy that I occasionally escape to allowing me to be someone that I am not, someone that I wished or would every dream of becoming. A person that leads two lives just for suggestion.

How ever I can't come about to finishing things I start? I didn't finish school that's for sure and I am not any good in english literate either I just have alot of thought and imaginaton going through my head. Then when it comes to test and skills I draw blanks and I don't know why.