Who am I?

I thought I knew who I was when I looked into the mirror every time but since time I didn't like the person that I was seeing. Am I a sinner? Am I a GOD believer? I was lost and confused in my own conviction that I didn't know who I was or wanted to be anymore. I have read my brother's post on facebook and it clouded me and I don't know why. I was reading how HE had play a role in his life and how he was so determine to delicate his time only to HIM he even has given up the hobbies and interest he loved best. He said it doesn't excite him anymore. I started to think If I was to dedicate my time into praying and having GOD in my thoughts, my heart and soul would I have to give up like he has. All and left with nothing to enjoy and that's what I misunderstood. He doesn't enjoy the things he loved to do no more because he had found something better in HIM and just having the LORD by his side through out his life is enough excitement for him to last a life time.

I asked myself a question how come I couldn't be like him. Why couldn't I fully accept GOD in my heart? Was it because the death of a beloved friend ( a God-sister) perhaps another term applying God before sister isn't right because she (Nalin) believed in Buddhist and wasn't a Christian. She was a sister-friend and taught me a lot within a month and wrote one letter to another but I felt connected to her in many ways like I known her before. She was a nice person and very kind, knew many language and never has done anything bad in her life time.

I was writing a message to my brother on facebook but I didn't have the nerve to click the button that writen send maybe the fear of letting my bf know that I have discussed our relationship views with him so i didn't end up sending it but instead I copied and paste it to somewhere else for future reference.

I want to know GOD more and want more time with him but the distractions in my life is not allowing that.. I have created too much sin and the demon has taken over me but I hope for another life time that I would be a different person . A Christian lover who's saved by grace.

Inspiration

Inspiration where does it come?

One may ask but really you can find it anywhere. through people you meet, through movies you've seen or even books you've read.

What inspired me to keep on writing was actually my dreams, hopes and what ever the future may bring. Although when it comes to writing a piece of novel it really based on my life or how could relate to it in any way. My life is complicated so stories are right are based on that and characters are drawn from an idealistic fantasy that I occasionally escape to allowing me to be someone that I am not, someone that I wished or would every dream of becoming. A person that leads two lives just for suggestion.

How ever I can't come about to finishing things I start? I didn't finish school that's for sure and I am not any good in english literate either I just have alot of thought and imaginaton going through my head. Then when it comes to test and skills I draw blanks and I don't know why.